The Day I Wished Would Never Come

Yesterday was the day. Yesterday was the first time my Granny couldn’t remember my name as I walked into her room at MCM to visit her.

Was I prepared for it?  I don’t think anything in the world could prepare me for it.  Deep down I think I knew it would be the day, because I hadn’t seen her since Thanksgiving.  I know she had kind of rough week and was confused a little more than normal.  There is just one thing – she is HAPPY, and that is simply enough to remind myself that it isn’t important that she remembers my name. 

My Mom and her siblings recently cleaned out Granny’s house on Southwest Border Street.  I sit here and a hundred different images of my Grandmother and Grandpa flash through my mind.  While the house is still in the family, it is no longer “theirs” and what I have left to hold onto are the wonderful memories of the most loving grandparents I could ever dream of having.  I consider myself one of the lucky ones, growing up in the same small town as my grandparents and seeing them every day if that is what I wanted. 

Mom brought home a box of books (mostly about saints, Catholic teachings, apparitions of Mary, etc.) from Granny’s collection for me to have.  My Granny was an author and columnist by profession, and she loved to read other people’s writings as well.  I think she passed on her love for books to my mother, who then passed it onto me.  I can’t think of anything else I’d rather have, than a collection of books to help me grow and learn more about my Catholic faith.  My Granny already gave me the Catechism of the Catholic Church that used to belong to her and Grandpa – and now I have many more wonderful titles to add to my shelves.  As I’m sifting through an old, worn out Bible I understand in a greater way how much Granny longs to spend eternity with all of her descendents.  She wrote many prayers, whether they were on loose pieces of papers or in the margins of her books probably as they came to mind.  They are simple, yet beautiful and I am reminded once again that He knows the desires of my heart – and my prayers don’t have to be extravagant.  He just longs to know me.

It is comforting to me to know that even as my Granny loses her memory, she is a daily reminder of what it means to live life as a Catholic in a world where we are constantly receiving criticism and fighting our own battles to become closer to Him.  Even more comforting, is knowing that she will live on through the stories she has written in her books, through her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.   

Granny Yates, we are extremely lucky to still have you around – 87 years young :)

11 Things I Love About What Happened in the First 24 Hours I Was Home:

Why 11 things you ask?! It seems like a pretty random number, I know.  Or if you know me at all, you may not even be questioning for a second why the number has no rhyme or reason to it and you may simply be enjoying with me the randomness of this little journey I call life.  

1. Immediately having that peaceful feeling I get inside as I turned onto MCo Rd 375 --- seeing the horses in the pasture, the wide open spaces, the barn and the home I grew up in warms my heart.




Home. Sweet. Home.

2. Spending my first night at home with my Goddaughter/niece, Macy.  She is such a happy child and is a constant reminder of how beautiful it is to be a Godmother and an Aunt.  Hearing her ask for "Aunt Cece" --it makes me melt.  I love seeing the way she interacts with Gingaw and Papa and how she constantly wants to show her affection.  It makes me very happy as a Godmother to see her pointing to pictures of and saying over and over the names of Jesus and Mary.  The sweet sweet sound of her voice when she sings her ABC's, Alleluia, or Ring Around the Rosie is music to my ears.  And to see her love on my dog, Haiti - it's absolutely precious.  These are just a few of my favorites.  The list could go on forever.

3. The stars lit up at the top of the Farmer's Elevator.  Even though we live a few miles outside of town, I can still see them after dark.  They have been there for as long as I can remember and have shown over our town through some of the darkest days, including the tornado that ripped apart our little farm town my Senior year of high school.

4. Enjoying the company of my parents in front of a warm fireplace after a long day together.  It was the perfect way to end my day.

5. Waking up at 2 AM to Macy standing up in her bed, looking at Haiti beside her in her kennel.  Over and over she said, "Haiti you so funny (insert cutuest giggle ever here)."

6. Waking up (at a decent hour this time) to a fresh pot of coffee - compliments of my Pops.  I am very thankful I can count on that every day :)

7. Going to Mass at my home parish.  Appreciating the New Translation.  Seeing familiar faces and seeing my Pops back on the altar resuming his duties as a Deacon for the first time since his knee surgery.

8. Eating breakfast at the VFW Hall with Mom after Mass - and seeing half of the people from Mass there.  What can I say?  It is simply the best.

9. Hitting golf balls in the back yard/field with Lunchbox (my brother-in-law).  Golf is one of the few sports I never tried, but today I decided it was worth a shot. :) I could see this becoming a hobby.

10. Visiting my Granny at the nursing home and seeing that she is just as happy as ever - confused, but happy.  And for that, I am  thankful.

11. Running into Ruthie at the grocery store.  Since she is the closest thing I will ever have to a second Mom, her excitement to see me was wonderful.  I love seeing people unexpectedly :)

Once again, I've recently been struggling with being so busy with the end of semester madness and my time ending in Kansas City (refer to my October 20th post). It's official, I have 8 days left here and the past week I have felt like I have so much to do and so many people I want to see before I move home.  

Thank God for His timing - it is always perfect.  Reservoir is always the first Thursday of the month at St. Peters.  Reservoir is just one of many awesome things City on a Hill Young Adult Ministry offers for Catholics around my age.  Reservoir just happens to be a Holy Hour in Adoration with the Blessed Sacrament and an opportunity to go to Confession.  This was going to be my last opportunity to go before moving back home and it was much needed after my last chaotic week of classes in my MOT program at RockU.  AND -- what better timing than my first week of Advent coming to a close?!  It was just another chance for me to reflect on the coming of our King. 

The ministry of presence has taken on a whole new meaning for me and reality has finally set in – In a week I won’t be spending every waking moment with the people I have grown to love and care about so much in the Occupational Therapy program at Rockhurst, as well as my roommates and those wonderful people who I have met through FOCUS.  Tonight in Adoration I finally heard God telling me in my heart to SLOW DOWN in my daily life and discover that I need to stop doing so much and simply BE PRESENT.  I've known this all along.  It's simply something I need to remind myself of each and every day. 

Capstone Presentations

It's been a long time coming...

The past year I have been working alongside 4 of my fellow Rockhurst University classmates on a Research project that is required of us to graduate from the MOT program.  Finally, this past Friday we presented our research data in front of our professors, other RockU faculty and staff, countless family members and the rest of our classmates.

I can't believe how far we have come in our time here at Rockhurst.  I am so proud of my group members - Kolina, Kayla, Emily and Lacey.  We spent many hours after class and extra Fridays at school... not to mention a bus ride back from Topeka to perfect this project!  We could not have done it without our Capstone Mentor, Mary Jane and Dr. Clump for helping us with data analysis (it would have been impossible without him!). I personally could not have done this without the love, support, prayers and sacrifice of my parents, family, roommates, friends ---and most importantly without placing my trust in the hands of my Heavenly Father.

As we walked to the front of the room, the girls asked me if I had my rosary in my pocket (as I usually do, especially during stressful days such as lab practicals).  I hated to respond with, "No, because I don't have pockets today."  However, I was able to quickly add, "But I do have my posse (St. Sebastian, the Holy Family, and St. Faustina medals) and I have lots of people praying for us."  A calm quickly came over me and I knew that the Holy Spirit was with me.

It's been a wonderful experience, but I can't say that I ever want to do another research project again :) Thanks girls, for the journey!

My Capstone Group: Lacey, Kayla, Emily, Kolina, myself

Our poster! So official :)

My beautiful Godchild and sister. Thanks for coming to support me!

My parents. They have sacrificed so much for me to be where I am today.
The love and support is indescribable. I love you both!

Eskimo kisses for Aunt Cece. Shheesh she's cute. 

It was a Happy Flight Redbirds!

I should have posted this before the series started, but now it is over and I still feel like it is necessary to post it.  For baseball fans everywhere this was a seven game series that will never be forgotten - especially for those who grew up with a love for the Cardinal Nation.  I am proud to say I am a Cards fan after fighting to come back and win the series in the final game, and in Busch Stadium at that.  I only wish my brother, Marcus, would have gotten to experience the excitement as well instead of being deployed overseas.  

Twas the Night Before the World Series – written by Joe Rathert

Twas the night before the World Series, and throughout Cardinal Nation, fans dreamt of ball bats and standing ovations. Jerseys were hung in the lockers with care. This year’s Fall Classic, soon, would be there.

Nyjer Morgan was restless and rolling in bed, grudgingly eating the words he had said. Carp slept in his cleats, and Freese in his cap, while some players struggled even to nap.

The Phils had the pitching, the Brewers, the batters, but as of that night, none of that mattered. The Redbirds gave them a run for their cash, and took them each out like a week’s worth of trash.

Fans felt some guilt, for two months ago, they took their towels and gave them a throw. “The Cardinals are finished and I have great fear; we may have squandered Albert’s last year.”

But the Players not once believed they’d been licked. They made up some ground and made it up quick. With heart and resilience, the comeback came. The season hinged on its very last game.

So Albert, and Lance, Allen and Jay, and all of the Cards (except Holliday), delivered a win in game 162, then waited to see what Atlanta would do.

Their collapse was completed on that very same night. While booze filled the air, Redbirds cheered, “Happy Flight!” Most fans regret their early surrender, but this is a lesson they’d surely remember.

One test remained; a club called the Rangers. To World Series baseball, they were no strangers. Nor were the Redbirds, with history so great. Last rings in ’06, not 1908.

So with hearts full of hope Card Nations slumbered. hopes to reach four, the new Magic Number. Twas a perfect year to get number 11, and bring home the trophy to MLB Heaven.

Go Cards!

These are two things I have constantly been needing to remind myself of lately.

The first is more for my sanity, the second is more for my soul.  Both are directly related to how close I am to finishing my graduate program.  This last semester is flying by, yet while I am sitting in class I feel like the hours are dragging on and I cannot pay attention for one more second.  Then all these assignments, quizzes, lab practicals, etc hit me like a ton of bricks and I need the reminder: Keep calm and just graduate.  I know it is going to do me no good to worry.  I know I need to place my anxiety in the hands of my Father and he will take care of me.  The last month however has been a struggle.  I wake up each morning and promise myself I am going to do better, but I find that I constantly have to remind myself each day that it really is out of my control.  With each passing day, I am inching back (slowly but surely) to the place where I once was – and finding that peace in knowing that if I give everything I have, God will take care of the rest. 

Now on to the second statement… I have been so caught up in the excitement that I am going to be moving home soon that sometimes I forget to live, enjoy, and be grateful for where I am RIGHT NOW. In the past month and a half, I have gone home every other weekend for the sole purpose of seeing my family simply because I miss them.  Sometimes I associate all of the chaos and stress of school with just being in KC and it feels so good to get away.  It has been wonderful going home and I absolutely cannot wait to get back to NEMO when December rolls around.  When I realized a couple of weeks ago I only had two months left in Kansas City, it hit me that I needed to take in what was left.  I began spending more time outside of class with my friends and making sure they knew how much they were appreciated and loved.  We’ve started going out to watch the Cardinal’s play on a Wednesday night, or watching a movie even when we have things to do the next day.  Instead of constantly worrying about what assignment we have due tomorrow, we have been simply enjoying the presence of one another.

To sum it all up: I am torn between where I am and what is ahead of me.  I am going to miss the friends I have made here that have become more like family.  I am going to love being with my family each day, spending time with my parents and sister, watching my niece grow into a beautiful little girl, and start my life as a professional. For the days I don’t appreciate my beautiful life enough, I hope you can forgive me, Lord.  I promise I love exactly where I am right now :)

For all of my friends, when we go our separate ways in December – we must plan frequent reunions! 

My prayer for today and everyday

Dear Jesus,

Sometimes I'm afraid of letting you take complete control of my life.  Show me how to be a "yes" kind of girl like Mary was.  Please use me to bring others to you today and every day.

Amen.